


Air

by LittleSweetCheeks



Category: Madam Secretary
Genre: Gen, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:09:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27266989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSweetCheeks/pseuds/LittleSweetCheeks
Summary: He had no clue what he was doing.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	Air

He crossed his arms over his chest, using them to hold a folder in place as if it were a shield as he edged toward the door. He’d only been over at the White House because the Secretary had suggested spending part of the day with Dalton’s head speechwriter.

“Hey, shouldn’t you do something?” The speechwriter, Charles, whispered to him. “This is usually where her other guy pulls her from the room.”

“What?” He blinked; eyes wide behind his glasses.

Charles indicated with his chin. “He made it sound like this is normal. You haven’t seen her get like this?”

They were both against the wall near one of the doors. An easy escape if Matt ever saw one, but instead he looked back at the people standing in the middle of the room. The President was steamed, arms over his chest and a terrifying scowl on his face. To his left stood two of his advisors, faces red as they shouted about why their views were the right ones while, to his right, Matt watched his boss, equally as angry. “It’s fine.” He whispered back. “I’m sure Dalton will make them all ease up any minute.”

The older man shook his head. “I’ve sat in on a few arguments involving your boss.”

He looked between Charles and the Secretary. “I’m sure its fine.” No sooner had the words slipped out of his mouth than the door to his right burst open, making him jump back as Russell barreled through.

He watched in apprehension as the president’s Chief of Staff seemed to belatedly realize there was an argument happening and snap his head up from his phone, assessing the room. Sharply, he turned, scanning, and then muttering something under his breath that Matt didn’t catch before taking three strides to get to his side. “Where’s her shadow?”

“What?”

Russell waved the hand holding his phone. “Her shadow. The assistant. Follows her everywhere, where is he?”

“He- uh, he had a family situation.”

Russell’s hands tossed out at that. “Since when did he get a family?”

“His, um, his parents… Sir.”

“I thought they were dead.” Matt’s brows shot up almost of their own volition. “What?” Russell asked, as if it were a reasonable assumption. “Makes politics a lot easier. And I thought with the way the McCords had all but adopted him…”

He shook his head. “No. He has a family. Mom, dad, sister, the works.”

He watched Russell twist back toward the group still arguing, frown, and look back at him. “As enlightening as this little chat isn’t, it doesn’t change the fact that you need to walk over there, interrupt her with some excuse, and physically remove her from the building if you have to.”

“I- I don’t know what to use, what to say… Sir.”

He heard Russell huff. “Fine, I guess I have to do everything.” Wordlessly, he turned and stormed across the room, catching the Secretary by one arm, and pulling her back. To Matt, he pointed at her bag and coat on the end of the couch before guiding her toward the door Matt had been trying to slip out of. “Good luck.”

He felt himself nod but had no idea what to do until he realized he could hear her gasping for air. “Let’s go.” His empty hand dropped to her back as he guided her through the halls to the correct exit. He had no clue what he was doing, so he applied memories of his own childhood growing up with chronic illness. The last thing he ever wanted as a kid was to have people gawking at him while he struggled for air.

At the motorcade, her agents were standing outside the SUV and he could see on their faces that they knew something was amiss. “We’ll give you a minute.” One of them nodded as they held the door open for the Secretary, leaving him to rush around to the other side.

He really wished they wouldn’t leave him on his own. He had no idea what he was doing, he’d hoped they’d be able to help. Hadn’t they witnessed these before? Once the doors were closed, Matt twisted in his seat nervously. His boss had her eyes squeezed shut as the gasping, rapid breaths seemed to become her sole focus. She had one hand fisted against her chest, the other similarly held against her stomach. Listening to her was starting to freak him out.

Swallowing back his own panic, Matt pulled out his phone and rushed typing how to help with a panic attack into the browser. Frowning at the confusing and somewhat contradictory answers that pulled up, he shoved the phone away and wondered why it had to be him.

“Ma’am…” He tried softly. He wasn’t comfortable calling her by her given name. “Ma’am. Can you look at me?” She didn’t seem to hear him, though. He frowned, unsure how to get her attention. “Hey.” Gathering himself, he placed a hand on her shoulder. “Can you look at me?”

When her eyes finally opened, they were wild and unfocused.

“That’s good. That’s good.” He gently squeezed, hoping she would take it as encouragement. “Can you focus on something for me? How about… tell me what you see? Like… I see the rosebushes are looking quite full now. The gardeners must put in a lot of work. Hm?” He looked back her way and then out the windows again. “I see there’s only two protest groups outside the fence. Must be a slow day for things to complain about.” He watched as her eyes cut toward the fence at that one. “I see…” He tried to find something else. “I see that the sky is blue.” It felt flat and a cop out, that one, but he wouldn’t ever claim to be good at this. “What do you see?”

The cabin was silent, save for her heavy breathing. When she didn’t speak, he moved on.

“How about something you hear then… I can hear Matt and Tim talking outside.” He leaned across the seat a bit. “Sounds like they’re discussing last night’s game. Tim owes Jason twenty bucks.” Her breath stopped for a second, making him look at her fully. She was still shaking but seemed to be holding her breath to allow her to listen to the agents talk. When her breathing resumed, he did too. “I can hear the birds and… the groundskeepers with their mowers.” He twisted around but didn’t see them. “They must be around the side of the building.”

“I hear you.” It was soft, strained, but it made his attention snap back around. She wasn’t looking at him and she was still breathing hard, but she pushed out words around the gasps. “I hear you.”

He smiled. “You always do.” When that brought a tiny flicker of a smile to the corners of her lips, he decided that maybe he wasn’t totally useless right now after all… Maybe only partly useless. “What do you feel? How about the leather seat?” He moved his free hand to the seat and then moved it again. “Or the cool glass… I can feel my folder.”

Her eyes finally met his. “Fabric… of my coat.”

“Good. That’s… that’s good.” He had hoped she would say more, but she lapsed back into silence. “How about something you can smell? How about Matt’s coffee up there? It smells sweet.” He tried to think of something else but came up empty. They were in an SUV, not a lot of things to smell in here. “You know, I can tell whose coffee is sitting on a table around the office based on how it smells.” He began to ramble a bit, listing off how each of them took their coffee. When he got around to Nadine, his boss interrupted him.

“She only drinks it when there’s no other option. That’s why she sweetens it so much.”

He startled, surprised at the observation. “Really?”

She was still shaky, but her breathing seemed to be slowing down. “She prefers tea.”

“I don’t think I ever knew that.” He let himself get lost in trying to work out if he’d ever noticed that about his other boss.

“Does that leave taste then?”

“What?” He looked back up at her, confused.

“See, hear, touch, smell. All that’s left is taste. And I…” He caught her swallow and then frown, ducking her head into her shoulder. “I could really use something to suck on at least.”

Scanning the cabin, he wondered to himself before pulling open a small pocket, finding a stash of butterscotch candies. Pulling one out, he offered it to her. “How about this?”

He watched as her eyes lit up. “He said he wasn’t going to buy any more.” She took it and worked the wrapper off, popping it in her mouth with a sigh as her lids slid back shut.

Matt watched and waited. “Are you good now, Ma’am?”

Cautiously, her eyes opened again. “I- I think we can go.”

He popped the latch on the door to step out and tell the agents they were ready, but a hand on his arm stopped him. When she didn’t say anything right away, he prompted her. “Ma’am?”

“I- I’m sorry… It’s not your job, but… thank you.” Eventually, finally, her eyes lifted to meet his.

“Anytime.” After a moment, he slipped out and shut the door, keeping his back to the SUV. Taking a moment to just breathe, to begin to process the past thirty minutes sitting inside, he bounced the phone in his hand a bit. A half hour ago, he’d been edging out of the room to leave someone else to handle things just as he always had. Drawing a fortifying breath, he turned and glanced back through the tinted glass before moving. She was sitting in there alone, eyes shut and head back.

A half hour ago he wouldn’t have even tried. But now… Maybe next time he wouldn’t be so scared to help.


End file.
